My year end messages have always been a thing, that is, if you were a subscriber to my magazine, Kink~E Mag, hence the year end message will be posted here.
Earlier this year, I took the magazine down for a variety of reasons.
One of them being, I wanted to put more focus on Unfiltered and this new and improved Marabelle Blue site, the focal points on life coaching, tarot among other things relating to alternative living. While my life coaching channel wasn’t something I planned to do immediately, after my interview with Andrew of Caliper Wellness, I recorded an introduction video, started my new Youtube channel and here we are today.
I’ve noticed there were a lot of things weighing me down when it came to my magazine. Other than the longevity and redundancy since the inception in 2002, I began to take notice of the fakers growing on social media, exclaiming to have about ten years in the lifestyle. It seemed everyone always had ten years. I guess that’s a good round number. One in particular, was introduced to me by way of a former writer.
At first, I thought she was authentic, and after speaking to one in particular person who pointed her out to be something other than a Domme (it’s a small world people, this was someone who isn’t on social media who pointed this shit out to me), followed tweets calling themselves an, “educated domme”, signing “autographs” on wood slapsticks. I wondered where people were coming from, making a claim to fame within a lifestyle, where others outside of our world, either don’t respect us or laugh at how we live.
Last I checked, our lifestyle isn’t about acquiring fame, but sharing information so we may remain educated and in playing safe.
As I watched continuous fake social posts, either about past podcast productions and reviving them, being a madame, having millions of dollars and coming up with ideas which were actually stolen ideas, there was another feigning marketing experience, aligning themselves with what we are supposed to believe, are the best in the adult world, suddenly came crashing down.
I had an idea, this person was probably a fraud. The problem is, when you suspect someone isn’t being honest or forthcoming, either one of two things would happen; when you call out a person to be a fraud, either you’re not drinking the kool aide, (in some cases kook aide) and then be viewed as a troublemaker or jealous, or you find people who know for a fact you are being truthful either because they had bad or unpleasant experiences or they knew too many people who had questionable experiences and told others in confidence.
What pissed me off the most, “Miss Marketer”, not only was stealing books from others, but basically repackaging bullshit calling it her own that anyone can find off the internet.
Let’s just be clear, if anyone is selling a product or material, they deem worthy of selling it’s because they used their experience and did their homework through research. There’s a difference between personal experience and generalized info we can find online.
And when I say personal experience, not some bullshit conjured up, to make yourself look good.
In addition of the run of the mill fakery, the inception of Twitter allowing adult related tweets. It was one thing to have the freedom and the ability to share content links and teaser clips, yet another when people began creating an invisible red carpet for themselves. Either everyone was giving away their content practically for free, or commanded some sort of “celebritism” in a lifestyle towards a mainstream world, mostly no one respects, among other alternative lifestyles.
Even when Netflix was creating BDSM related content, that alone, had everyone in an uproar because they felt they should be the ones representing the lifestyle. And when there were other alternative media outlets discussing and/or interviewing people within the lifestyle, they sure didn’t make them look good at all.
I hate to put it this way, but whoever knows me, knows I never cover any way how I feel with roses. If anything, my roses always come with thorns, because if I’m not being truthful, I’m just straight up lying.
People create products every day. Some believe they have a better product than you and that’s all well and good. Never hurts to feel good about what you’re presenting. However, on a more realistic note, if you’re a business owner and putting content out there just to get people to read and there isn’t a mindful thought process included like:
What is this person’s background? Do they have experience within this lifestyle? Are you putting up the next best thing, only to share misinformation because it sounds good? What about the new people reading the content and the safety measures they have to take under consideration, if the information they are reading is inaccurate.
The focal point was people looking to make a quick dollar. Open up an OF account and post content and start making money. Everyone was a coach in how to make money but the only ones making money were the people repackaging the same info you can find online.
If life was so simplistic, we would all be rich. Marketing is never an easy feat but it can be done with consistency. I realized in order for me to be effective and hone in on the future of the magazine, I needed to take a step back
Now here we are, as we are approaching the end of 2022, for me it was a long and draining year.
There were a lot of things I learned about myself, either in relationships or just making choices without really using my own critical thinking skills of the outcome from my decisions.
The downtime gave me pause on why things were coming out fucked up.
I was making hasty decisions, based on my current emotions. My past experience has shown me when I do that, most of my decisions never fair well, especially when I know I need to take a moment, breathe and not react. Reacting never got me anywhere.
One decision I made out of haste, was a job I took over the summer. I didn’t do much research, like look up any reviews of the culture, as after meeting with the wife, she seemed very direct about what she was looking for and trusted whoever had the job, would be the person to take over the management role and she can focus on the bigger responsibilities of the growth of her small business.
At first it seemed pretty cool. The owners, husband and wife, weren’t your typical, “professional” type people. As a matter of fact, neither one was professional in any sort of way. It was pretty much apparent, after a week of working there, they were actually terrible people.
Their business tactics was a mix of a husband who was a Trump enthusiast, who spent the day farting and telling his customers I was a liberal because I was from New York, in the meantime his wife was a liberal, but not very influential in the market of women empowerment and owning your own business. He boasted on the Roe vs Wade being shut down, yet when it came to any financial business decisions, his wife was the deciding factor, since she was in control of all the financials.
I don’t care if it was me and my dog running my business, if my dog went out and spent money, I want to see receipts.
On top of that, the way he spoke about his wife behind her back were the most disgusting and vile things I have ever heard coming from a man who claimed how he pursued her to be exclusive and the desire to be married to her.
They spoke to their employees like shit, disregarded any ethical environment and made fun of the fact they didn’t need a, “human resources” department.
The wife who gave me the speech about taking the reins and not have to worry about focusing on that position, seemed dismayed on how well and quickly I was able to pick up the software they were using. I’m sure it bothered her I didn’t need to turn to her for assistance.
As the months went by, she was called away to their other store as an employee become ill and due to that, the air was much more light hearted and no one felt they were in jail. But that was short lived when she decided she would come in once a week. I was made to feel as if I wasn’t doing enough and I knew my time was limited there. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure shit out when someone has their own issues and want to reflect their issues on you.
Despite the unhealthy environment, dirty facilities and an unkept kitchen, not to mention the narcissist they hired in place of a good employee who left, I learned a lot from working there. It was a step-by-step guide of what not to do when you own a business.
The rules are simple.
Don’t gossip about your customers.
Don’t invite politics in to the conversation.
Have respect for your employees.
If you own a business with a partner, all financials should be transparent.
And this one is mostly for me due to my own experience with ShitShow, don’t hire a narcissist who lies about having 26 cars since he was 16 (I almost fell out when I heard that shit). The other part of me also learned how much to give in relationships. While no one is perfect, relationships can be very tricky when you begin to make exceptions you may have not made before, especially when feelings are involved.
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And What about Love?
Love is a funny part of life. When you love someone, you put aside the exceptions because you care. However, what if those exceptions are the behaviors you need to instill in the relationship in order to create boundaries and respect?
It’s strange how we can set the rules and in the same breath break those rules and then get upset at ourselves and the other person when something happens because we didn’t follow the rules, we created in the first place.
It’s a circular of madness, because in a saner world, relationships shouldn’t be so difficult, yet, every day I see posts on Tiktok, if it isn’t the challenges of having dealt with someone who was a narcissistic abuser, it’s the complete opposite of couples who play pranks on one another, displaying this perfect life with their partner.
Just when I thought I did find that one perfect person, I find myself still waiting for my turn.
Where is that person who wants to do fun things together and play pranks and maybe do a podcast or two and stop playing wishy washy games, like today I love you and tomorrow they are nonexistent?
I think when we tag ourselves, “it’s complicated”, in a relationship, one must ask themselves why is it complicated? Is it something you’re doing or is it them?
Why is the relationship complicated and why the need to tag that for a open public to see and question you.
Critical thinking will tell us, “If this relationship is complicated or going nowhere, why am I still here?
The complicated part is the emotional attachment we have for that person. We love them and want to build a life with them, yet we want to be free. We get afraid if we leave them, they will end up with someone else and catch wind on an Instagram post, think of the heartache and question, “Did I lose out?”
The complex part of ourselves is the selfish part of what makes us who we are. That’s not to say, this is a bad thing, this is the part where we need to find peace with our decision making.
We want to let go, yet we want to hold on. And everyone is like this, in one form or another.